You’re Engaged!
Congrats! You met the person of your dreams and now you’re engaged! Woo Hoo! After the excitement and craziness calms down, you’ll want to jump into planning and getting this show on the road. For the absolute first steps check out our blog post on first planning steps for newly engaged couples.
Once the date is picked then the more in-depth questions will begin regarding budget, ideas, colors, guests to invite, bridal party, etc. It will be easy to slip into a stressful situation if you are doing this all alone so remember to take a step back and breathe from time to time. It will help. (Or you can just give us a call and we’ll take the stress away from you too. Whichever you prefer)
Show Me the Money
Money will have the biggest impact on the type of things you can afford as well as the time and place of your event. This is where the first heavy conversation comes in. You will need to have a conversation together and figure out your personal budget for your wedding. What are you both willing to throw in your wedding budget, TOGETHER. Once you have that number, you go to the parents or grandparents or aunts and uncles and you have this conversation again. Although it is traditionally the parents of the bride who pay for the wedding, customs and etiquette have changed drastically throughout the years and most couples now pay for their wedding themselves.
Talk with the bride’s parents first. Both of you should sit down and ask them what they are willing and planning to contribute. After you speak with the bride’s parents then you go to the groom’s parents. Same thing, what are they willing to contribute? These conversations may be something you are not particularly looking forward to but they are important nonetheless. Your parents knew this day was coming and are likely excited to help!
Where Does the Money Go?…
During this conversation with the rents, they will give you one or two answers:
- We plan on giving you X amount of money
- We plan on paying for X, Y, and Z.
If they offer the one you’re not too fond of, suggest the other option. Now that you have the budget talk finished and you know how much money you’re working with you can start the planning.
Who’s Who?
The Bride = The Boss
Photo by Tiko Giorgadze
There’s no need to get overly bossy and fall into the all too often used term ‘bridezilla’ (or groomzilla, it’s 2018 folks). However, you’re the bride, so you (and your fiance if they choose to be involved) have the final say in what everyone’s roles are. Pro Tip: it’s always nice to ask them for their help and not demand it. If everyone sees how appreciative you are, they will be more at ease and helpful.
Maid/Matron/Man of Honor
Photo by Eric Ward
Bride’s right hand and biggest help. This person typically plans the bridal shower and bachelorette party. They will also be in charge of keeping the rest of the bridal party in the loop with timeline and tasks. They sign the marriage license, hold the bride’s bouquet, fix and fluff the veil/ train and give a nice toast at the reception. Heads up, you want someone responsible and very close to you in this roll. They will have their hands mixed in with a very big portion of what will be the most important day of your life. You should be able to call on this person for help at any time and they should have the phone number of your planner.
Best Man/lady
Photo by Kats Weil
This person will be the groom’s personal assistant throughout the planning stages. This person will be everything from a confidant to a fashion consultant and the big boss to all of the other groomsmen. The most important job is getting the groom to the church on time! They are also in charge of getting the officiant their fee after the ceremony, signing the couples’ marriage license, holding the rings at the alter, and keeping the party going during the reception. Again, this person should be someone responsible you can trust. They will be held accountable for the groom and all that he does wedding related. Not to mention s/he must throw the bachelor party AND give the toast at the reception.
FOB (Father of the Bride)
Photo by Thomas William
This special guy traditionally just wrote the checks, walked his pretty girl down the aisle and danced with her after dinner. Today, they have picked up other tasks to include: airport duty, maps and directions, doling out tips for the staff on the wedding day and co-host of the event. If you are having an outdoor ceremony on a personal property, they usually help with the heavy lifting as well. Often the parents of the bride will give some kind of welcome speech during dinner especially if they are footing the majority of the bill.
FOG (Father of the Groom)
He will typically pay for the rehearsal dinner and sometimes the honeymoon. He may also end up syncing with the FOB to coordinate seating issues and such at the wedding.
MOB(Mother of the Bride)
Photo by Hermes Rivera
Okay, let’s really explain this one. The mother of the bride can do basically everything or nothing. She can be the wedding planner extraordinaire or she can be the support system for you. This is so important to lay out from the very beginning to avoid anyone getting hurt feelings. She typically will be escorted by an usher or brother at the ceremony. Communication is key early on to determine if your mother is a key decision maker or just there for extra help.
MOG( Mother of the Groom)
Same roles as above, just let them know what your expectations are and what you would like them to do. It is SO important to let them know this early in the game to avoid awkwardness and hurt feelings. Their real shining moment is the Mother/Son dance.
Bridal party 101
So there you have it, the key roles of the people closest to you in your wedding planning process. What is most important to remember is to COMMUNICATE your expectations about everyone’s roles and be appreciative for all the help and support your bridal party provide. If you were handing someone thousands of dollars for flowers and you weren’t even invited to the appointment would your feelings be hurt? Most likely they would. On the other end of the spectrum, if someone is taking over your wedding, do not be afraid to tell them to back off (nicely). Boundaries are HUGE! So have fun, and breathe and let’s get planning!
